April 23, 2012

Discouraged

Regression at times is inevitable.

It's a discouraging thing.

da Creature is going backwards right now in every single way imaginable.  I don't seem to be able to stop the movement into chaos and darkness at the moment.  I feel broken and sad.  I can't imagine how out of control he feels.

Here's hoping it's a transition to better things, not a spiral into worse ones.  We won't know for a good long while.  He is keeping whatever is bothering him really close and not sharing at all with me.

Things that have returned, seemingly all of a sudden:
  • not being able to go to sleep (it's been two years since this was even an issue)
  • toe walking all the time
  • being "weepy" and out of proportion emotionally
  • aggression at school
  • despair
  • dis-cooperation (my term for his general unwillingness to participate in good things, seeking rather to pursue the negative ones just because he feels like it---not oppositional, not attention-seeking, just a descent into "let's make the worse choice possible and see how that goes.")
  • the nose picking 'til it bleeds and finger tip peeling have ramped up in the past two weeks
I was so hopeful a few weeks ago, and now I am so incredibly discouraged.  I know my life and well-being do not rest on how he is coping and how he is doing, but my ability to have a life and pursue a few rare mommy interests does because now I have to hover and wait and worry and interact with the school in ways I do not trust and hate with a passion.

Time will heal.  Summer will heal.  In the meantime, off-roading with the creature on this emo detour from Hell is getting a little tiresome. 

Oh, and his IEP meeting is May 1.  Goodie. 

 

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